Being Concise: How To Do It
What is a concise sentence?
A concise sentence is a short sentence.
How can you keep your sentences short?
Look at the long sentence below and try to make it shorter. Write your revision on a piece of paper.
"For your information please be advised that the Phone Payment Service (PPS) details and application form were sent to you on 20 April."
Suggested revision:
"I would like to advise you of the details.
We sent you the Phone Payment Service (PPS) details and application form on 20 April."
Take a moment to compare your own revision with the one above.
How are the two revisions similar? How are they different?
In the revision above, three strategies were used to make the original sentence shorter.
To write concise sentences
l write only the necessary words
l write only one idea in each sentence
l write only in the active voice of the verb.
STRATEGY 1 - WRITE ONLY THE NECESSARY WORDS
The original sentence contains some unnecessary words.
"For your information please be advised that the Phone Payment Service (PPS) details and application form were sent to you on 20 April."
One phrase - "For your information" - is unnecessary. Why? Because this phrase does not add any meaning to the sentence. It only makes it longer. So, you can remove it.
"Please be advised that the Phone Payment Service (PPS) details and application form were sent to you on 20 April."
Actually, many unnecessary words are used in business correspondence.
A common example is "forward planning". In this phrase, "forward" is unnecessary. After all, does anyone ever plan backwards?
Look at the 'wordy phrases' below. Remove the unnecessary words to make the phrases more concise.
1) repeat again
2) small in size
3) cooperate together
4) for the purpose of
Answer: unnecessary words: again, in size, together, the purpose of
STRATEGY 2 - ONE IDEA IN EACH SENTENCE
The original sentence actually has two main ideas.
"Please be advised that the Phone Payment Service (PPS) details and application form were sent to you on 20 April."
There are two ideas in the sentence because there are two main verbs in the sentence: "advise" and "sent".
So, you can separate the two main ideas - and the two main verbs - into two sentences.
"I would like to advise you of the details.
The Phone Payment Service (PPS) details and application form were sent to you on 20 April."
Actually, you can separate the sentences into two paragraphs. Do you know why?
You can use two paragraphs because
"to advise" is the purpose of this letter, which is part of the "Opening" in the SOFAR outline.
the fact that the application was sent belongs in the "Facts" section.
Refer to Chapter 2 if you need more information about the SOFAR outline.
A long sentence has more than one verb. You can make a long sentence shorter by writing a separate sentence for each main verb in the long sentence.
Remember: if you write long sentences, you create a problem for your readers. They need to read the sentence several times in order to understand it.
Recent research has shown that
l if your sentence has 10 words or less, your reader will understand 98% of the message after reading it once
l if your sentence has 20 words or less, your reader will understand 75% of the message after reading it once
l if your sentence has more than 20 words, your reader will understand only 4% of the message after reading it once (and will have to read it again and again and... ).